"السكيزوفرينيا" سرطان الازدواجية، تقع في منطقة العِنان الوحشي في الدماغ، المنطقة المسؤولة عن مشاعر الحزن والاكتئاب.. هي منطقة دماغية أساسية لاتخاذ قرارات العملية المعرفية الناتجة عن اختيار المعتقد.
لا ارى هناك اي مبرر لعدم قدرة الأشخاص على ترويضها. هي معايير واضحة تجعلني أكثر وضوحا في ترسيخ مفاهيم متوازنة بين جسدي ونفسي. حتى في مشاعري ان احبك لا يعني انني اكرهك او اني سأكرهك فيما بعد. هو منطق واحد في زمن محدد لماهية المعتقد. يتغير في حال الصدمة، لا يشترط تبدلها بل يدخل الادراك لماهيتها في حيز السبات الكلي لفترة محددة.
كيف يمكن لانسان ان يكون رماديًا لهذه الدرجة حتى في تكوين شخصيته. الحياة ليست مسرح تتبدل فيه الشخصيات والادوار. قد تتناقل الارواح من عالم الى عالم لترتقي لكن الشيخصيات لا تتناقل ابدا الا في حالة الانفصام” الشيزوفرينيا” كنت دائما مندفعة في قراراتي الى اقصى الحدود. لم يكن للرمادية اي مبرر. كنت احزن كامل الحزن واعيش كامل الوجع وافرح كل الفرح. واني أؤمن بان هذه الابعاد هي التي كانت تدفعني نحو التصالح مع ذاتي. حتى في تعبيري عن الاشياء وطرحي للمسلمات الفكرية وفي اشكالياتي وتوهري حتى ولو كلفني ان ارتطم واقع في مكان خارج حدود دائرتي ، لانني اثق كل الثقة ان الانسان بقيادته لنفسه لا يمكنه الهروب من ذات الدائرة الذاتية التي اتى منها، يمكنه العودة اليها بشكل مندفع كاملًا بعد التعافي كي يصحح الخلل الكامن في معدل الزوايا السابقة. هي خصال حيوانية بحتة ، أساسية دفعت عالم الحيوان نحو الارتقاء بمستوى الاداء النفسي. “السكون” للوصول الى مبتغاه اي بالتأمل والتروي لاخذ قرار نهائي للانقضاض على الفريسة.
It’s weird how you’re able to attract more wounds and scars to your body and yet you can’t fight to save your soul. It’s literally the worst tangled painful feeling, it’s so bad, it hurts so badly when it comes back to knock your head softly from time to time, but you act as if you’re not part of any kind of toxicity, you can never be and that’s okay. Numbness is the most powerful feeling you can experience when you’re not in the right state of your comfort levels. You may feel that everything is against your ability, nothing is under control, fading away from your body. You lost in your mind, trying to google it to figure out what you were passing through, why everything is different than what you see in reality! Completely Lost! As if you’re surrounded by demons. Bitterness all around. Feeling down, upset, tired of being squeezed out, pulled into the dark by the wind of a trusty fire wrapped around your neck until it burns you down. But you have to push forward, you must keep going, challenge yourself to open your vision to start seeing clearly. When you wake up and realize that it was just an illusionary ideas that tackled your dreams. You start to open up your whole mind and start changing the trajectory of your mind consciousness even though you might continue living inside your mind. But that’s okay. You might decide to challenge yourself and change the conversation to trivial things and trips above your own words, or even you start asking questions about why you!
You might blame yourself for being toxic and that’s not true. You might hate yourself for being wrong but you’re not. In fact, you don’t deserve all that negativity that comes to surround your life. You just need to figure out how you were able to fight for another life, why you wanted to kill your past and no matter how many times you might be killed. It’s over and over, knowing that you’re fighting against your ego alone. No one besides you. Even you, you were running away from your reality, to hide your self in dust.
You were searching for your old you to find him. You didn’t find your old love in this place. But there was something beautiful about the new adventure that you don’t want to recognize. The moment you decide to clear your vision, you will notice that it was just an illusion. He wasn’t your twin flam, it’s not just the right person for you.. but he was a great lesson for you to evolve. It’s the divine truth of your existence. That’s you and that’s your unique spirit. Yet there is nothing wrong with you. Allow yourself to heal from your past actions and let go of all your fears. So you can attract your own happiness and achieve your dreams without worrying about what might happen in your future. It’s your choice now or never. That’s why it’s called present. Because it’s given to you to enjoy it. But it won’t given to you if there is still there active actions lingering in your past. Asking yourself why you are so anxious, depressed, stressed.. and why you are struggling with your thoughts and feelings…
Here’s what you should know. It’s Karma again knocking your door. “welcome her back to your home!” It’s your actions that lingers inside your head. You didn’t even detoxify yourself before. Now go with the flow, be patient, you will open up your mind to the right light. You’ll find yourself looking beyond your eyes. You’re able to see clearly, no more headaches, always hydrated with water to move with the flow. Warm your soul, avoid shaking and biting your nails. Protect yourself and show her that you’re not alone, that whenever Karma knocks your door you’re always ready to warm her heart. You got to lay down above her, laying your cold hands on hers, making her relaxed with your eyes, calm her with your shaky arms. She will treat you the same. She is sweet hearted but bullied before, she was so cute but she was treated badly. Sit with her in the dark until she lightens up all the darkness inside you. Listen carefully to her breathing as she exhales her thoughts and inhale your emotions. Calm down and show her that she is not alone, that you both suffered a traumatic experience and it’s time to heal from that trauma. She might be uncomfortable. She might refuse to talk, she will upset you and bite her nails when she gets frustrated. Don’t panic if she gets angry and started crying from her headache. She is just trying to brake the walls between her and you. It’s when you start hearing her heart beats in your head and her breathing starts to get worse. Let her rest for now, hug her tightly until she feels comfortable. Don’t look at her eyes she will fall apart and let you down. Try to keep your head up and breathe deeper. Don’t make her talk about it till feel better. She might disappear, if you don’t give her space, she will retreat and seem aloof. Give her wider space be patient and she will open up. Brush her hair behind her ears and don’t let hide her face. Let her feel your warmth love and care that you hold onto her. Be strong and positive, she get frustrated from negative thoughts. She needs you to protect her and set her free. She wants to make sure that you are safe and strong enough to let go of your wounds. Guid her home through your inner light. You will forget what it means to be broken. Trust her. Love her deeply and let her go.
Not by chance but by choice. I decided to live better than yesterday and to live with opened heart, to attract all the possibilities that are good for me.
Today I’m choosing to listen to my inner voice, not to others random opinions and gossips.
Today I’m choosing my own path towards happiness and high self worth. It’s to be inspired and motivated by the spirit of love, not to be manipulated by hateful thoughts and emotions. Today I choose to help others and not to be used by anyone, today I’m willing to offer those who needs healing and comfort the best possible way to heal and help them in achieving their dreams. Today I’m grounding my bad past self to focus on my positive present and focus on my healthy future instead. Today I’m in love with everything that surrounds me. Today I’m happy and grateful for everything that I had been through. Today I’m evolving into an amazing human being. Today I’m full with passion and love. I’m alive today.
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