"السكيزوفرينيا" سرطان الازدواجية، تقع في منطقة العِنان الوحشي في الدماغ، المنطقة المسؤولة عن مشاعر الحزن والاكتئاب.. هي منطقة دماغية أساسية لاتخاذ قرارات العملية المعرفية الناتجة عن اختيار المعتقد.
لا ارى هناك اي مبرر لعدم قدرة الأشخاص على ترويضها. هي معايير واضحة تجعلني أكثر وضوحا في ترسيخ مفاهيم متوازنة بين جسدي ونفسي. حتى في مشاعري ان احبك لا يعني انني اكرهك او اني سأكرهك فيما بعد. هو منطق واحد في زمن محدد لماهية المعتقد. يتغير في حال الصدمة، لا يشترط تبدلها بل يدخل الادراك لماهيتها في حيز السبات الكلي لفترة محددة.
كيف يمكن لانسان ان يكون رماديًا لهذه الدرجة حتى في تكوين شخصيته. الحياة ليست مسرح تتبدل فيه الشخصيات والادوار. قد تتناقل الارواح من عالم الى عالم لترتقي لكن الشيخصيات لا تتناقل ابدا الا في حالة الانفصام” الشيزوفرينيا” كنت دائما مندفعة في قراراتي الى اقصى الحدود. لم يكن للرمادية اي مبرر. كنت احزن كامل الحزن واعيش كامل الوجع وافرح كل الفرح. واني أؤمن بان هذه الابعاد هي التي كانت تدفعني نحو التصالح مع ذاتي. حتى في تعبيري عن الاشياء وطرحي للمسلمات الفكرية وفي اشكالياتي وتوهري حتى ولو كلفني ان ارتطم واقع في مكان خارج حدود دائرتي ، لانني اثق كل الثقة ان الانسان بقيادته لنفسه لا يمكنه الهروب من ذات الدائرة الذاتية التي اتى منها، يمكنه العودة اليها بشكل مندفع كاملًا بعد التعافي كي يصحح الخلل الكامن في معدل الزوايا السابقة. هي خصال حيوانية بحتة ، أساسية دفعت عالم الحيوان نحو الارتقاء بمستوى الاداء النفسي. “السكون” للوصول الى مبتغاه اي بالتأمل والتروي لاخذ قرار نهائي للانقضاض على الفريسة.
الى الان، ككائنات إنسانية لم نستطيع ابتكار اي تطور يمكنه ان يفيد البشرية، كل الاشياء التي توصلنا اليها كانت ناتجة عن أفكار فلسفية، مخلفات فكرية عائدة الى ما قبل الميلاد.
نحن اليوم لسنا سوى اشكالية لمعضلة صراع زمني قائم ناجم عن ماهية الحضارات والثقافات القديمة، التي تعود الى ما قبل عصر الجاهلية مرورًا بكل انواع الحضارات وصولًا الى القرن الحالي.
و عليه تقع إشكالية كبيرة حول التطورات التي نشهدها اليوم! كيف؟
نحن مجرد ابعاد انسيابية غير متناهية، نحن لسنا سوى مستحدثات مسيرة، آلات بشرية مجردة من ماهيتها الأولى.
كيف لبسنا الجاهلية والروح حضارية ؟
لو دُفنت إسقاطًا بقدر ما أحييت بعدها، سأكون مدفوعًا بباطل و مدفون من عدم …
كيف اموت واحيا عن عمد، ان لم اولد من باطنها دفعة واحدة؟
هل حيّكت بجذورها حبالي من الوجودية والسبب؟
لا انا حي كي امضي دونها، ولا انا ميت لاحيا بها
انني ميت اليوم !
وحتمًا غدا ساحيا من سكرات الموت المؤقت
لا انا واهم ولا حتى بكافر
و ان كان في كلامي لغطًا
فالشك باليقين ان لم يكن فيه شك كيف يمكن اعتباره كفرًا ؟
وان ردتم قتلي يقينًا،
لا تحاسبوني بجاهلية اجدادي رجاءً.
هل لي ان اختار بدايتي ان كنتم قد اخترتم نهايتي؟
اهناك بداية غير جهنم لاحيا من دون سواها؟
لا تحاسبوني انتم،
ايحق لي محاسبة نفسي بعيدًا عن عملية الإسقاط السرمدي؟
هل يجوز عدْم المعدوم بعدم أمنية اعدامه؟
اقذفوا في جسدي شرارة الوأد الاولى
و اضرموا النيران في جثث لم امكث فيها.
ثم انثروا رفاتي رمادًا بين جثث الأحياء، لعلها تموت بعد كربتي من عدم.
Originally posted on Rangitikei Environmental Health Watch: Last week saw devastating floods in the town of Edgecumbe in the beautiful Bay of Plenty. Heartfelt sympathies to all who have been affected by this carnage. I was living in that region during the 2004 floods so saw the devastation then myself. Fortunately we lived on higher…
When you face a problem with your beloved people, try to solve the situation with passion, try to make it as simple as possible, and most importantly, keep on trying until it becomes too heavyweight. Give excuses to them till you see yourself stupid. It’s fine to neglect the red flags to let them freak out about the fact you don’t want to lose them. It’s okay to keep fighting for them until they hurt you badly. But remember that, it’s worth fighting against anyone but yourself. You deserve peace and happiness too.
Whenever the relationship starts to get worse and toxic, run away and never return until you heal from their traumatic experiences. Your job is not to heal them but rather to create a positive environment for your self. It’s important to focus on your inner peace instead, relax and calm down. What is meant for you will always be there for you.
So when you decide to leave, leave without looking back until then …
It’s weird how you’re able to attract more wounds and scars to your body and yet you can’t fight to save your soul. It’s literally the worst tangled painful feeling, it’s so bad, it hurts so badly when it comes back to knock your head softly from time to time, but you act as if you’re not part of any kind of toxicity, you can never be and that’s okay. Numbness is the most powerful feeling you can experience when you’re not in the right state of your comfort levels. You may feel that everything is against your ability, nothing is under control, fading away from your body. You lost in your mind, trying to google it to figure out what you were passing through, why everything is different than what you see in reality! Completely Lost! As if you’re surrounded by demons. Bitterness all around. Feeling down, upset, tired of being squeezed out, pulled into the dark by the wind of a trusty fire wrapped around your neck until it burns you down. But you have to push forward, you must keep going, challenge yourself to open your vision to start seeing clearly. When you wake up and realize that it was just an illusionary ideas that tackled your dreams. You start to open up your whole mind and start changing the trajectory of your mind consciousness even though you might continue living inside your mind. But that’s okay. You might decide to challenge yourself and change the conversation to trivial things and trips above your own words, or even you start asking questions about why you!
You might blame yourself for being toxic and that’s not true. You might hate yourself for being wrong but you’re not. In fact, you don’t deserve all that negativity that comes to surround your life. You just need to figure out how you were able to fight for another life, why you wanted to kill your past and no matter how many times you might be killed. It’s over and over, knowing that you’re fighting against your ego alone. No one besides you. Even you, you were running away from your reality, to hide your self in dust.
You were searching for your old you to find him. You didn’t find your old love in this place. But there was something beautiful about the new adventure that you don’t want to recognize. The moment you decide to clear your vision, you will notice that it was just an illusion. He wasn’t your twin flam, it’s not just the right person for you.. but he was a great lesson for you to evolve. It’s the divine truth of your existence. That’s you and that’s your unique spirit. Yet there is nothing wrong with you. Allow yourself to heal from your past actions and let go of all your fears. So you can attract your own happiness and achieve your dreams without worrying about what might happen in your future. It’s your choice now or never. That’s why it’s called present. Because it’s given to you to enjoy it. But it won’t given to you if there is still there active actions lingering in your past. Asking yourself why you are so anxious, depressed, stressed.. and why you are struggling with your thoughts and feelings…
Here’s what you should know. It’s Karma again knocking your door. “welcome her back to your home!” It’s your actions that lingers inside your head. You didn’t even detoxify yourself before. Now go with the flow, be patient, you will open up your mind to the right light. You’ll find yourself looking beyond your eyes. You’re able to see clearly, no more headaches, always hydrated with water to move with the flow. Warm your soul, avoid shaking and biting your nails. Protect yourself and show her that you’re not alone, that whenever Karma knocks your door you’re always ready to warm her heart. You got to lay down above her, laying your cold hands on hers, making her relaxed with your eyes, calm her with your shaky arms. She will treat you the same. She is sweet hearted but bullied before, she was so cute but she was treated badly. Sit with her in the dark until she lightens up all the darkness inside you. Listen carefully to her breathing as she exhales her thoughts and inhale your emotions. Calm down and show her that she is not alone, that you both suffered a traumatic experience and it’s time to heal from that trauma. She might be uncomfortable. She might refuse to talk, she will upset you and bite her nails when she gets frustrated. Don’t panic if she gets angry and started crying from her headache. She is just trying to brake the walls between her and you. It’s when you start hearing her heart beats in your head and her breathing starts to get worse. Let her rest for now, hug her tightly until she feels comfortable. Don’t look at her eyes she will fall apart and let you down. Try to keep your head up and breathe deeper. Don’t make her talk about it till feel better. She might disappear, if you don’t give her space, she will retreat and seem aloof. Give her wider space be patient and she will open up. Brush her hair behind her ears and don’t let hide her face. Let her feel your warmth love and care that you hold onto her. Be strong and positive, she get frustrated from negative thoughts. She needs you to protect her and set her free. She wants to make sure that you are safe and strong enough to let go of your wounds. Guid her home through your inner light. You will forget what it means to be broken. Trust her. Love her deeply and let her go.
Let their toxicity go. Blow their negativity away.
Malak El Siblani
At the beginning it will hurt. It will bother you and make you feel bad about yourself as if you’re going to die. Panic attacks and depression will consume your body, anxiety will burn your brain down to a level where you can’t control your emotions anymore. Laying on your bed, hugging your pillow trying desperately to sleep but numbness all what you can feel. Body aches hands shaking, headache, chest aching, throat sore, stomach burning and all that because their time came to an end in your life chapter.
It’s important to learn and understand how much pain they cause to you. It’s necessary to let them go even if you want them to stay with you forever.
It hurts to an extent that it will leave you crying till you fall asleep. Nose blocking, puffy eyes. Heartbreak is inevitable when it comes to those who were your everything. It’s kind of hurt that leaves you unable to see the truth that you were an option in their life. It’s a kind of pain that will never leaves you alone, it will follows you everywhere, to remind you of their toxic words and their poisonous actions. But of the things that you have to learn is that you can’t expect them to love you back the same way you did. The way you love them doesn’t determine their way they are going to love you back. It’s not the goodbye that hurts the most rather than training your mind to stop thinking about them, it’s how can you imagine your life without them. In fact they can move forward without you even. The moment they took the decision to leave is when they had already give up on you.
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